i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize