My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize