last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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