they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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