If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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