My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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