I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize