Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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