Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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