i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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