I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize