Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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