i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize