i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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