Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize