just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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