Only a mothe r could love this liver
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you didnt know i had herpes?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize