and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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