I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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