WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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