the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
