How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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