I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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