just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We had sex on a dog bed..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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