She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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