If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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