where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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