I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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