My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize