I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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