i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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