As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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