plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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