just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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