Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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