I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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