Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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