Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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