everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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