Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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