He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Found the puke drawer
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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