I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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