1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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