Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize