I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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