You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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