There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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