i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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