The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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