i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize