I'm lost and stupid without you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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