and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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